My Future Wife

What is desirable in a woman?

There ought to be a division between what is desirable and what is necessary. Necessary can be equated to rice and radishes. Desirable is meat, vegetables, and whole wheats. Pleasurable is sweets, drinks, and chocolate. Too much of what is pleasurable makes a man fat and lazy and incapable of great things. Too much of what is necessary makes a man weak, fragile, and incapable of great things. The right mix of what is necessary with what is desirable will equip a man for greatness.

In any culture that has ever become great there are virtues that have propelled them, even if vanity and wickedness has accompanied them. Rome attained greatness out of its ambition and was corrupted out of its love of wicked and meaningless things. America became great because it was good and has declined because its citizens became lazy in their pursuit of security and freedom. People are the same as great nations and empires. They have a choice to follow what is good or to grow contented to be self indulgent.

Cultures have also fallen and been ravaged by growing complacent about the evil in the world. They became content with the proverbial rice and radishes. They turned their swords into plowshares and fell at the hands of those who embraced the edge of a blade. Early unity in Britain at the introduction of Christianity brought a certain passivity as forts and defenses became monasteries and abbeys. When invaders came there was no unity in arms. There was slaughter in the land at the hand of invaders.

These social examples are given to illustrate the point that ignorant contentment and self aggrandizement and indulgence are methods of self destruction. Too many sweets or too few meats will be the ruin of a man. There are things that are necessary for life. There are things that a desirable for a good life. There are things that are harmful to a man in excess that are meant to be the bit of goodness meant to be an example of blessing. How quick a man's world can be torn asunder when his standard of purpose moves from transcendent obedience to erotomania and megalomania.

The Jewish book of Proverbs has numerous observations on what is good in a wife. A valuable and excellent wife is described as above all price. She is invaluable. And I want her. A life ruled by unbridled passions and emotional reactions is a life ripe with ruinous elements. Without wisdom, without understanding and knowledge, a life is bound for strife the traveler will be ill-prepared for.

"The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain"

There is so much to be said about trust. It is the corner of every relationship. Trust can be easily given, but once it is lost it is hard to get back. Sometimes trust can be too easily given. When two people with two sets of preconceptions about life and relationships come together the very nature of trust can be challenged. Honesty needs to be stretched out from a person's center to the very farthest extents of his life. There are plenteous mentions of God's hatred of a lying tongue. Christ got to the absolute center of it when he said that religious people honor Him with their tongue and dishonor Him with their heart. In the same way, if one is to love another the honor one must give to their mate must reach further down that polite and seemingly kind actions. Honor affects all the faculties of the lover: physical action, attitude, intelligent forethought, and emotional sensitivity.

"She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. "

Every aging generation seems to claim that the upcoming generation doesn't know what it means to work hard. As we gain more time available for free use, and media, entertainment, and other passive activities arise there is an ever increasing propensity of man for useless and vain activity. It is indeed a rare thing in the fallen nature of man to be willing to work hard. Indeed sleeping long is common among those who would be rightfully called sluggards. Loving sleep is like loving death. But an excellent wife is prone to move on behalf of those she loves. She is compelled to not see those she loves go without what is necessary and even good.
"She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong."

Weakness is not a necessary component of femininity. While she should keep to a heart of humility and modest, fleshly efforts often end in weakness and she should exert to not confuse the two. If a person's strength in convictions and body are bound in carnal desire to not appear prideful (which is in and of itself prideful) then their strength will be rendered useless. A portion of strength, when strength is needed, is a good as no strength at all. The Lord did not create a farmer with a strong body to use only a portion of that strength. The Lord did not create an apologist with a strong mind only to have him use a small portion of his ability to engage those with whom he would converse. Proverbs says to consider the ant.

"She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle"

Of course these things cannot be solely ascribed to an excellent wife. A good husband will, without doubt, have these same qualities. As mentioned before, there is a propensity to find joy not in fulfilling purpose, but in fulfilling either pleasure or excises in power. Sitting in front of a tv for hours on end can be acting like the stereotypical king on his throne. How many kings do we have sitting in front of flat screen televisions on a worn couch or lazy boy? So many in America live head and shoulder above the kings in the past in luxury and pleasure. A wife should be seeking the best for her own.

"She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy."

While a person's first priority is to his family, universal charity cannot be ignored. Was it not Christ who told the story of the good Samaritan? Who is outside the bounds of Christian mercy and kindness? This is of course not to say that a wife should be irresponsible with her family's finance, by no means! It has already be established her hands and mind are to continually work towards the good of her family. But some cultures have such a bent towards caring about their family so much that it goes beyond love into the realm of selfishness. "This is MY family! You don't do things against MY kids!" Of course it is natural to give all passion to the protection of one's family. The problem comes when that desire goes beyond an undying love and selfless protection into the realm of the need to preserve one's own world beyond all bounds of goodness and righteousness.

"Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land."

Why in the world would this be made mention of in the description of an excellent wife? How does a wife's excellence mean the good name of her husband? Perspective is important. Without honesty perspective means nothing. This verse does not imply that she lies about him. Contrarily, when snuggled in the verses around it, it points to the idea that her hard work has given him a good name. It does not say that she has a good name. Her hard work is towards not only the security of her family, but it is towards the good name of her husband. She wishes for people to see the best in him because she sees the best in him. There is much to be said about seeing people in the right perspective.

God said that vengeance belongs to Him. How quick we are to hold onto the idea of retain vengeance as our own possession. How foolish we are indeed! A grudge is held in order to one day, either in an instance or progressively, gain vengeance. In taking selfish vengeance or holding a grudge one is stealing from God. So there is no reason for a Christian to seek vengeance or hold a grudge.

Man, as in man kind, was created in God's image. Man kind deserves a certain level of respect for that reason. If a man worship's God, then God's creation especially man for whom he describes having so much love as to die for him, then man should feel the same as God towards His creation. God's pleading and declarations are always in context. He was blunt much of the time, but always with what is best as the heart behind what is being unfolded.

So much can be said about a wife's heart for her husband, and how little that should be directed by how he treats her. The same applies on the other side of the gender line, of course. The greatest aid to any person's relationships is a love of God, and a desire to please Him above all.

"She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue."

Words are easy to throw. Attitudes are easy to allow to go wherever the unconscious mind would allow them to go. Self control is hard. Yet, to one who is close to God, these things will ever grow as a natural phenomenon. As Paul wrote to the Galatians,

"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."
The purpose of having written this is not to make people think I know what's best. The purpose is to get people to think. The purpose is to work out what God has convicted me of in whom I am to search for. If pleasing God means something to the reader, he ought to think hard on these things. If being the person one ought to be is important, he ought to consider these things. If one would declare that he truly loves, these are things that should be pondered. God has not given us wisdom so we can use it as a quick shot at someone with whom we disagree. He has not handed down understanding so we can show we have wisdom. We are to turn inward and seek God. Our eyes are to stare at heaven and see there is so much more to what God has done than just one self. God is not only good and loving of each man, He is great and planning.

Viktor Frankl wrote a book named, 'Man's Search For Meaning'. He was a psychiatrist and holocaust survivor. The book is an excellent read. He points out that a man can become to apprehensive about acquiring happiness that he never achieves it. But if he can be made to see a larger purpose he can suffer harsh things and still have happiness.

I believe that a person can become so fixated on being the right kind of lover that he forgets the object of love. With humility, and an open mind towards God's word and councilors a man can be a lover of the type that would be most impressive.